last

Sometimes life gets hard, and death seems like a good option.
Sometimes nothing seems matter anymore, you've done enough to ruin your own life already.
I have this life, with so many lies and unthoughtful actions.
Sometimes it gets really hard to move on, I know I will get judged later, whether by you or by God.
If I could go back and restart....I certainly wish I could.
but none of us can do that.
How hard is it to die?
How hard is it to end things?
Wish I could talk to God for a moment, wish He's there, and listen to me, a sinful servant who would never change even after I repent all my sins just because I'm so afraid to be alone.
but none of us can do that.
and death seems like a good option.

There's You - Anastasia Ayu Pratiwi

hello, long time no blog.
it has been almost two years since the last time I posted something here.
kinda miss you.
so many things happened lately and my life has changed, a lot.
I am 20 now (already... I know, right..) and feeling damned old.
I've said good bye to my old-5-years-long relationship and accidentally met someone special.
it's good to take a chance, huh?
I have big hopes for this one, wish us luck.

anyway, I feel a little bit blue tonight and I remember my song.
yes, my original song which is good (yes, I made it, of course I said 'it's good').
maybe someday I can record something to share.
but for starter, here's the lyrics.
a little bit cliche but I once made it with heart, so it is what it is.

.......................................................................................................................

Breakfast with some toasts and ginger tea
Sweet lunch with the flowers under the tree
And there's you
And there's you

Playing all around like a couple of bees
Candle light dinner with expensive fee
And there's you
And there's you

So don't pretend like not hear me
And just listen to me

I've been smiling, I've been laughing
And that's with you
I'll be dying if you're not around me
So baby please just stick with me
And don't leave me

Walking, holding hands along the street
Kissing, chuckling, and big hugging
And there's you
And there's you

Watching sunset across the sea
Dancing some waltz just hit the beat
And there's you
And there's you


So don't pretend like not hear me
And just listen to me

I've been smiling, I've been laughing
And that's with you
I'll be dying if you're not around me
So baby please just stick with me
And don't leave me

.......................................................................................................................

I once made it for someone else with closed eyes.
now that my eyes are widely open, I realise that I've never done such things with him.
being with you lately, doing such random things,
all that smiles, all laughs, really remind me of this song.
I wish we've met long before.
but God has His own plans, and here we are.
let's just hope for the best.
really do love you, mlnstyngrh.

Happy Birthday Dear ♥